you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
