If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
