Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
