I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
