half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
