Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
