I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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