just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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