she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i came on her dog
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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