When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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