why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
