tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
