I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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