I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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