the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
