Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
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Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize