does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
