his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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