worst night to have a conscience
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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