i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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