I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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