high people should be assigned attendants
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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