Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
