im about as happy as oj after his trial
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
