...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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