i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Two words: nipple clamps
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