It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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