the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
