What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
