her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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