We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
