At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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