my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
