Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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