I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
