If i come over, it means nothing
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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