I'm going to jail i love you
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
