Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
