All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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