Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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