I just threw up on my dentist
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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