sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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