i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
