So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize