And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I need moral support for this bender
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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