Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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