i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
