just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
