Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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