my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
