I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
