If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
