i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
