Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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