all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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