I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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