I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
