Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
