I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
