Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
