I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
