I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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