Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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