Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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