Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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