Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You are a genius and a whore.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
