He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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