She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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