she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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