Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
