im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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