I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I want to fling myself into the sun
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
