I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
