1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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