I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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