There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
