I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
