Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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